


Prior Experience

by Anonymous



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Jötunn Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A magical accident leaves Loki stranded in Jotunheim with no memory of who he is or how he got there. By the time his family finds him, it's too late for things to go back to the way they were.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prior Experience

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anaraine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anaraine/gifts).



> Originally posted as a commentfic for fandom_stocking, now also on AO3.

One of the last things Loki has time to realize is that, as badly as the magical backlash from his mistake has damaged his body and mind, he won't be able to get back to Asgard before he succumbs to hypothermia.

Shortly thereafter, he wakes. This is a surprising enough development on its own. That the place is also unfamiliar is, if anything, less surprising given recent events. The red-eyed giant leaning over him, though, is what makes him freeze. He stays still, watching the giant and trying to decide how to get away without startling it.

"You awake?" asks the giant, poking him. "You look awake. What happened to you?"

He thinks he recalls that Jotnar are unfeeling monsters, but he can't remember why. He doesn't know if he's ever seen one before. This one seems harmless, though that could be an act.

"Magical accident," he says, which is all he can remember about it. "Who are you and where am I?"

"You're in a cave I found where we could wait out this storm. I'm Angrboda." That's less informative than Loki would have liked, but he can't think of how else she should have answered. "Do you live around here?"

He doesn't know. He doesn't know where this is, he doesn't know where he lives, and he doesn't know how close Angrboda understands to be "around here". "I couldn't say. Where are we?"

"A couple days northwest of Thrymheim by foot. East of Utgard. I live close by and I don't recognize you, though," Angrboda says.

"Then in all probability, I am not from around here," says Loki, and though he isn't sure, it sounds likely. The air here has a pleasant bite to it that isn't there in any of the memories he still has, few as he's coming to realize they are. The rock, too, seems to be of a different sort from that which predominates in... in... somewhere. Several somewheres, perhaps.

"You don't remember, do you?" asks Angrboda. She seems to ponder this for a moment, while Loki considers what to say. "That takes power. If you can manage not to blow yourself up again, I'm sure we'll find out you're a great sorcerer."

Loki wonders why he expects sarcasm or disdain, and doubts her sincerity.

"You must be," she says, "to make up for being such a runt."

Loki laughs. "Hardly. You're simply a giant." That sounds right. This is Jotunheim, and she is a Jotun.

"So are you."

"Do I look like a giant to you?" He lifts up a hand where he can see it, and realizes it's blue and ridged like those of the Jotnar. Why did he think he wasn't a Jotun? It makes sense-- he is on Jotunheim and so far not dead from the cold-- but then, why does he remember some other realm? Why does he vaguely recall having skin the color of cream?

"A very small one," says Angrboda.

They lapse into a silence that isn't quite awkward and isn't quite companionable. Loki is the one to break it. "Tell me about yourself," he says, and she speaks of the details of life on Jotunheim. It fails to jog Loki's memory, but at least it will be of some help if he must (re)adjust to normal life before his memory comes back.

Loki lets her talk, and waits out the storm.

\--

The storm ends, and Angrboda slings Loki over her shoulders to carry him to her home.

"I can walk," he insists, repeatedly. After the third time, she stops and sets him down. He struggles to his feet, sways wildly, and falls face-first when he tries to take a step.

Angrboda picks him up again. Her smile mocks him. He lets her carry him like a deer carcass, and his insides writhe in shame.

"Definitely a force to be reckoned with," she says to herself.

"Would I have survived this long if I were not?" Loki asks, voice silky smooth.

"I'm not being sarcastic," says Angrboda. "You did this to yourself by accident. Imagine what you could do to somebody else intentionally."

Loki remembers throwing daggers, but can't fit it into any context. At least he is somewhat mollified; seen in the right light, his current situation does speak well of him. (In another light, it paints him as incompetent. Loki hopes Angrboda is sincere in seeing it as a testament to the strength of his magic.)

They soon reach Angrboda's home, and though Loki cannot recall seeing anything like it before, he finds it welcoming enough.

\--

Loki learns that he is a shapeshifter and that he lived in Asgard for a time. By the fabrics and cuts of clothing he once wore, and by the gilding of the armor in his memories, he judges that he lived among their lords. This, he thinks, was surely a fine trick, and he wishes he could remember how he pulled it off.

He learns other things, as well. He learns that Angrboda is not only as perfectly-hewn as a glacier, she is a shapeshifter, as well. (This, he supposes, explains her beauty, but does not negate it.) He learns that she likes pranks-- her own, and other people's, especially his. He learns that she studies those plants and animals that grown in Jotunheim, and that she knows the uses of all the local herbs.

And finally, he learns what it means when she watches him by the light of a cookfire after they've gone hunting together, or while snowed in and mending things.

\--

One day, after Loki has long since healed as much as he seems likely to, he is out in the woods with their son Fenris when he encounters a stranger who isn't.

"Thor!" He knows the man's face and name and too-earnest voice. He likes Thor, yet recalls that Thor annoys him, which suggests more of a relationship than that which any ordinary citizen of Asgard might claim. "What brings Thor Odinson to Jotunheim?"

Unaccountably, Fenris likes Thor immediately, and Thor scratches him behind the ears as he answers. "I have come to see my brother."

"I have not seen him," says Loki. "My apologies."

Thor laughs. "How I've missed you, Loki! Is it safe to embrace you in this form?"

Loki warms himself just slightly to be safe. "Probably," he says, and that's all the invitation Thor needs.

"How have you been?" Thor asks, holding Loki out at arm's length to examine him.

"Well," says Loki, "and yourself?" He gathers that he might have had something less generic to say, once, but not now.

"I have much to tell you! I was recently on Vanaheim with Sif and the Warriors Three and... Loki? You're looking at me very oddly."

"I'm afraid I've lost much of my memory. Should I know these names?" asks Loki.

"They are our friends," says Thor. "Sif, Fandral, Volstagg and Hogun. We quest together, and your presence has been sorely missed."

"Ah," says Loki. "Then I was a companion to the Prince of Asgard." That makes sense of everything, but now Thor stares at him in horror.

"You are a prince of Asgard, and you are my brother, Loki Odinson," says Thor, and his tone is quietly pleading. (As quiet as Thor ever gets, anyway.)

Loki does not point out that he's a Jotun; that's clear enough. Instead, he asks, "How did I come to be your brother?"

"Father found you abandoned and took you in," says Thor. "He told me when we learned you were on Jotunheim."

Which implies that Thor did not know during their acquaintance. Their brotherhood. Loki's heritage must have been secret, and Loki himself had never confided in Thor about it, so he cannot have been that close to Thor. Unless... unless Loki never knew, either. This, finally, explains why all his memories hint that he is Asgardian.

"I see," says Loki, wish-son of Odin Allfather of Asgard. It's hard to believe, but it fits.

"Now you can come home," says Thor. "Perhaps the sight of Asgard will help you remember yourself."

For the first time, Loki truly understands that he had a life before Angrboda. Now that he is all but slapped in the face with it, he can no longer go about as if his life began when he woke up in the cave with her.

"I would love to visit Asgard," says Loki.

"We can leave immediately," says Thor. "You can come home, and all will be as before."

Loki is silent for a heartbeat. "I have a wife and children," he says. "Would you have me leave them for you?"

"I must meet them!" says Thor. Then he adds, less enthusiastically, "They're frost giants, aren't they?"

"The wife, yes. The children... This is my son Fenris," he says, indicating his wolf son. "My wife and I are both shapeshifters and... there was an accident during the pregnancy."

Thor seems to accept this easily. "I doubt Fenris will get along well with Sleipnir," he says, clearly intending it as a joke. Loki does not understand. "Have you forgotten Sleipnir?"

"I have," says Loki. From context, it sounds as if he has another child, one he has never-- no, one he must have met before, one who might even now wonder where he is and why he does not return.

"Then I must tell you about him!" Thor proclaims.

"Certainly you must," says Loki. "Come, let me show you to my home, and you can tell me on the way."

They start walking.

"We needed to have construction done in Asgard," says Thor. "We hired a Jotun to do the work. We would have haggled with him for a good price, but you suggested we offer him a bet instead, that if he could complete the work on time, we would grant him Lady Freyja for his bride, and if he could not, we would pay him nothing. Then, to keep him from finishing the work, you turned into a mare and lured away his work-horse. Later, you came back with Sleipnir, and a mighty steed he is."

"A wicked trick," Loki says lightly.

"Yes, but the builder was a Jotun." There's an uneasy silence as they both realize what Thor just said.

"Did I know what I was, at the time?" asks Loki.

"...No."

Whoever Loki was, he is no longer, and for this, he is grateful.

\--

When he travels to Asgard, Loki finds it difficult not to think that Thor is repaying his hospitality, rather than inviting his brother for a visit home. But Thor remembers centuries of brotherhood that Loki has all but forgotten, and Loki supposes the court of Asgard must know him.

So he arrives in Asgard, his skin smooth and white and his eyes green, wearing absurdly complicated court clothing, expecting to learn about a strange realm and possibly regain a few memories. The first thing he notices after the heat is that the city looks as he remembers, a mass of tall, golden buildings.

"I remember that," he says when he sees water spilling out into the void.

"I remember that," he says when he sees the training grounds and remembers losing practice fights against Thor.

"I remember you!" he exclaims to a dark-haired woman who must be Sif.

But the oddest part of the visit is meeting Odin and Frigga, the king and queen of Asgard. Odin is formal and civil, and Loki doubts he would be able to sense any particular affection if he didn't already know this man had been his father. He isn't sure he can sense it now. Frigga, on the other hand, murmurs "my son" softly as she embraces him. The scent of her hair is familiar, though her voice and name and face and the feel of her arms around him are not.

When he feasts with them on Asgardian foods, in a place of high honor, he realizes that Loki Odinson, Prince of Asgard really lived here. He had a place here, once. The thought thrills him.

\--

Loki learns many things on his trip to Asgard. He learns that Thor is different when angry or drunk. He learns that his tricks were not always limited to cheating Jotun craftsmen out of their wages, and that there are those who still nurse grudges. He learns that most of Asgard is willing to welcome him back, but did not mind his absence. He learns that Odin thinks of him as a son, but shows little affection for him.

So he concentrates on learning about Thor, who will one day rule Asgard, and on the place itself, which has no opinion on who he was or is. When he returns home, it feels as if the cold pulls him free of a long and not particularly pleasant dream.

\--

Loki visits Asgard from time to time, but most of his memories are of Jotunheim, and he remains there. Every now and then, a gift comes from Frigga or Thor or even the Allfather for him or one of his children. And then comes Thor's coronation.

Loki stays for some time afterward, unwilling to take Jormungand back to the ice. Here in Asgard's stifling heat, Jormungand is curious and hungry, bold enough to venture forth on his own rather than cuddling with Fenris. That is why, when Thor insults a delegation from Vanaheim and risks war, Loki and his family are still there to see Odin wake from his slumber to cast Thor down to Midgard.

Afterward, Odin finds Loki with Angrboda, packing to return to Jotunheim at once. Loki stops packing, his throat oddly dry, and waits for the Allfather to speak.

"Stay," says Odin, and Loki cannot tell whether it's a plea or a command. "Sit in on my councils as you once did, Loki. You are my heir now." He sounds so tired that Loki almost forgets who banished Thor.

"Of course, Allfather," says Loki.

The next day, Angrboda is gone, and with her Fenris and Hel, but Loki and Jormungand remain.

\--

Loki understands ruling, and kingship, just fine. It simply could not be more dull. He occupies himself writing letters to Angrboda about the pageantry of Asgard, the least sensitive of the things he overhears while invisible, and how Jormungand is growing as if he were a balloon being inflated. The heat does Jormungand too much good, if there is such a thing. The longer the two of them remain in Asgard, the more desperate Loki becomes. Being desperate, Loki begins to plot.

\--

Thor has been on Midgard for over a Midgardian year when Loki sets events in motion and then simply watches.

He exiles Jormungand. He's fairly sure he should feel guilty about that. He's fairly sure that, if he were a better person, he would feel guilty, especially as Jormungand is scared and desperate and does not have quite enough intelligence to understand what Loki has done. But it serves Loki's purposes admirably, for his own sake, for Thor's sake, and for all of Asgard, so he's more amused than guilty when Jormungand begins trashing the part of Midgard called America, where Thor lives. If anything, he's proud of the chaos his son causes.

The mortals can neither stop nor contain Jormungand. It's Thor who recognizes him and Thor who speaks to him as Loki spoke to him, though not actually Thor who comes up with the idea that solves the problem. It is the mortal Doctor Jane Foster, whom Thor is courting, who realizes that Jormungand will soon be too large to survive on land at all. But it's Thor who lures Jormungand into the sea.

That's when events diverge from Loki's plan. Jormungand forces Thor underwater, too long for his mortal lungs, and by the time Thor rights himself and begins swimming for the surface, it's too late. He's too far down, and has spent too long under.

As if to follow him to his watery grave, Mjolnir splashes down into the ocean. A moment later, Mjolnir flies back out of the water, trailing Thor in full plate armor and sopping red cape.

Loki flees to Jotunheim before he's forced to endure his brother's thanks.


End file.
